Writer's Corner

This is a place for anyone and everyone to submit stories, poems, etc.. about anything at all. The only real rule is to make it appropriate-- It cannot be any worse than PG13-type criteria. If it is, then you might want to have one of the moderators read it first before postin it to see if it's all right. Don't want to upset the mods do we? Also, nothing is more encouraging about some good feedback when it comes to anything involving creativity, be it spore creation, a drawing, or a poem. Feel free to give it and maybe some positive criticism to try and help others to achieve their best.

Overall, have fun and please submit something... you wouldn't believe how often I've tried to make one of these and it just ends up being me spamming my writings into the forums (I usually stop at two or three before quiting however.).

Would the messages of the Concordate count as poems ? As they are all in iambic pentagrams, although I stopped making them rime because of the difficulty to make official messages rime.

Anyways I love writing too ! I started writing a sci-fi story in the beginning of the year but stopped because of it's cheesyness !
Currently, I'm writing a sci-fi/modern/realistic/revolutionary story in French !

And I especially like effects in my short stories, with a great number of poetic turns, and oh so many archaic words and ceremonious expressions ! I can't stop myself from including them, especially when they're descriptions !

If I feel like it I might post some Notix, Specimen notes next week!

Yes, any type of poem, or poetic verse is allowed. The communications of the Concordate can be, thus, included. It's rather interesting to see how you twist the words and terms to give it that poetic feel/rhythm. Also, something that I just thought of: if we get enough people participating, then we can have a theme week/month that is one specific theme for people to write about. It might be, say, Solar system scale space battles, a futuristic mystery, or maybe even something in the exact opposite direction--something with legendarybeasts and legends. But... only if we get more people. (I think I'll get more participants in a spore related forum because spore creations tend to be rather imaginative.)

Also, I know there might be somethings that just aren't big enough for the storyline that you might want to tell anyways. Like "A day in the life of a Notix" (being as you brought up species related literature.), or a Dremeton, or any species for that matter. You can publish those as well.

Edit: Strange method for the signature. It appears only on the posts that you post on after you last adjusted your sig. Not auto-updating like in the sporum. Oh well

I could dig up the old Trink verses!

They took forever to write!

Wait they were iambic pentameters aswell...

I smell a new plot twist!

All right, just to try and get things actually rolling here, I'll post a poem I wrote when I was in middle school for my English class.

It's a septolet poem.

Thieves are out

Silently
Sneaking in
The night,
The thief is out.

Jewels
Glinting in moonlight
MINE!

Nice one.
Is it supposed to rime ?

Anyways, here's one I just made. It's in iambic pentameters :

See, the light, the shadows, and the twilight
Of your nation, drowning under a rain of fire.
Be it known that if from such a great height
it fell to aught, guilt will lead to the pyre.
(Just to fill in the space.)(you)

I know it's really bad, I just couldn't fit in every word, so it sounds like a bad pieced-together piece of rime !

Neah, it's not supposed to rhyme. I was trying to tell a bit of a story in those tiny lines

Anyways, I like your poem as well. I do see what you're talking about when you say some of it doesn't fit, but... I still like it. It paints an interesting image. Although when read out loud, it sounds a little strained towards the end. I don't think I could do that good though . I'm not very good with poetry rules--everything gets this 'strained' feeling to it. I'll see if I can make up a new poem later today.

Edit: I just reread my post from beginning to end and . Wow, talk about scatterbrained.

The Notix
All the Specimen Notes on the Notix Species.

Biology
The Notix are blue, ice coloured, humanoid creatures from Icicle. They feed on Sound as well as algae which grows in the ice. They have Ice Crystals growing from there backs, caused by a Biological Reaction inside the Notix, which creates both the Crystals and Heat. This helps them survive the artic planet, along with the rest of there Body Chemistry allowing them to survive temperatures between -250 Degrees to 100 Degrees. The Notix evolved quicky and have had a sudden evolution within the previous 10,000 years due to a virus released by an enemy.

Culture
The Notix has a culture with a strong work ethic, allowing there race to produce high amounts of produce without use of machines. However the work ethic has allowed them to develop technology quicker and use it more effectivly. This helps they're already strong economy and industry allowing the race to Prosper. Since the Fall of the Notix Empire, the Notix have also become obssessed with creating and changing life and themselves. This Forced Evolution is the only reason the race survives. That, there defensive behaivour and they inhabit their subterranean Fortress-city Tranq-While and it's vast Catacombs.

Tranq-While
Tranq-While is the Home of the Notix and resides beneath the surface of Icicle. It's vast catacombs trap the heat that allows plants to grow, and is on the
site of the first Notix Burrows. At the height of the Notix empire the city span over half the planet, now it is a mere shadow of it's former self.

Harr-Monee
Another smaller Subterranean city, currently home to the largest non-orbital Shipyards the Notix own.

Fall of the Notix
10,000 Years ago the Notix had an empire spanning several systems each planet holding over 125 Billion Notix. Unfortunatly an enemy whos name is now lost, released a Virus that spread, and slaughtered all Notix it contaminated. The enmey then began Bombarding the cities and nearly wiped out Tranq-While, until the Notix came up with an Idea. They changed there DNA to make it immune to the Virus. They could then repel the race... Unfortunatly the DNA altering was different in each city and most who were altered died...

This caused the Notix Empire to Shrink Dramatically and began there obessession with altering Life for the better.

Hybrids
When the Concordate first attacked Gar-Aeroix, the Notix had only just fixed the DNA Altering Device. This allowed them, with the Help with Chilly the Mega, to alter all who were willing into the giants who are...

Notix-Gant
These Giant Notix form the shock troopers of the Notix army and are the Notix responsible for Heavy Lifting. They work alongside the Winged Notix-Avai to
Allow the Notix to battle in ways never dreamt of before.

Notix-Avai
When the Hoa-eon Threat Emerged, the notix collected samples of the Hoa-eon DNA, finding that they had once been Avain Creatures. This DNA allowed them to create the Notix-Avai, winged Notix used in Space battles due to there immense Aerial Combat skills.

Notix-Crani
When the Helmahkt began there Aggresive manouvere into the Gar-Aeroix, Notix Soldiers managed to attack and capture some prisoners. Once they had disarmed them and were collected, the DNA was used from the Quick Evoloving Race to increase the Intellect of some Notix, creating the weak-bodied Notix-Crani. The Notix-Crani are the scientists and tacticians for the Notix Species. They have to wear robotic suits to move and survive without breaking bones...

I've tried to be true to story as possible...

A nice brief summary of the Notix history, eh? 8) It's got a very documentary and matter-of-fact tone to it, but I have one suggestion. You are using the wrong 'there'--I believe the one you are looking for is 'their'. Other than that, it's a good piece of notes about the Notix. Thank you for your contribution .
As for that poem I said I'd write... I'm stuck . Oh well. Anyone else have something to contribute? (I'll edit one of my story fragments in here if no one feels like they have anything to contribute at the moment.)

I wasn't really playing any attention when I was typing that!

Anyway, that is the Notix History acccording to the Notix...

I can't come up with a poem right now (writer's block, oy.). Anyways, here's a fragment of a story fragment that I've written. The idea was influenced by the Robot Series of writer Isaac Asimov.

The following story has been edited some, as there was a little blood in the original.

It was in a dim room. Were the lights dim? Or did they get fried by some power surge? Or were there any lights in the first place? It doesn’t matter.
The room’s walls were stark, sterile. Was it a hospital? A sick home? An insane asylum? Again, it doesn’t matter.

_____A man lay on the floor with a wound in the back of his head where he hit his head on the metal bed frame. Was a he father? A brother? Who was he? And, yes, again, thrice be it said. It doesn’t matter.
_____The man stirred and sat up, slowly, painfully. He got up and started to walk in a faltering sidle-step. He went to the only door in the room. A stark, grey metal door with rusty hinges. Before he got there, it opened inwards, revealing the black rectangle of shadow that was the doorway. Orange-red lights flickered brighter, as if they had just come aware of the man's presence. The two lights bobbed forward and they were revealed to be like eyes. Eyes in a cold, silvery metal face. The robot again.

_____The robot shuffled in with an old motion of his feet. It was trying hard to not bother the other injured man, the one it carried like a baby in its arms. It came in and set this man on the now-unoccupied bed. It made sure he was settled then turned to man with the scalp wound. “John,” came its cold and metallic voice. “I told you to stay in bed so you wouldn’t hurt yourself and let the medecine I gave you to help rid you of that bloodclot in your brain. And, in disobeying my recommendation, you appear to have caused the stroke to set in. Sit down immediately.”
_____John, the man with the head wound, fell listlessly to his knees, and then over onto his side as the chance of escape vanished.
_____“Now now, John. Is that anyway to act,” chided the machine. The robot knelt down onto one knee in a squeak of metal gears on metal gears. “The pain medication is beginning to lose effect. Pain overriding most portions of the brain. You are useless to me if you cannot think and reason John.”
_____The robot rose to its feet and left.

Very nice text, Dragospir !

The beginning didn't quite resound in my mind, but the two last paragraphs were truly in the purest Asimov style !

I don't really know what to do, as for me, which is the reason behind the lack of texts I wrote since the beginning. If you have any propositions, I am open to them !

Well here's the Concordate's most recent message, which i wrote a few minutes ago !

" Who are ye, holders of great potency,
Unto who the lesser ones look to with
Admiration and envy, waiting but
To overthrow the Amaranthine Lords."

The message is addressed to the Theleans.

I like your poem too. It's got this old world feel to it with the thou-sand thee-s. The overall feel is rather mysterious (then again, that's a given with the Concordate.). Hard to rhyme some of these things together, but you did a good job. I doubt I could poetisize everything my species said . Also, I know that the first paragraph doesn't quite go with the rest, but that resulted as a result of half a dosen other classics I had to read for Honors Lit. -.-'. I never want to read The Scarlet Letter or The Great Gatsby ever again. Not that there's anything wrong with those books, they just don't click with me (and they throw my writings off a little bit too.XD) I might post another section of my fragment later today. Don't feel like doing quite right now though. Just got back from my great grandma's memorial service and I feel like I need to unwind a little bit. See ya later (figuratively speakin .).

Edit: Here's another portion of my story.

___Two men laying in a dim, stark, and sterile room being taken care of by a robot whose purpose is unknown. The robot returns with a tattered old backpack of medical supplies.
___It, with its clamp-like claws, clumsily fumbled out a syringe and filled it with a clear blue liquid from a medicine bottle on the floor. It pulled the full syringe up and injected it into the bleeding man on the ground. “John. We have things to talk about, you and I.”
___It was several minutes before the medicine took enough effect and the man on the ground responded to the metallic voice that called his name. “W’as sat?” he asked, speech still blurred from his pain-induced delirium.
___“I request an audience John.”
___It took several more minutes before he was able to gather enough wits to sit up and begin to converse with the robot. They talked about small things; about the weather, about his health. About the medicine the robot used and about the probability of getting some food. About all these little insignificant things. When John noticed the man on the bed however, he fell silent.
___“Yes,” said the robot. “I found him in the street. He is dying. I know you had some trouble with him before now so I wondered if you would, perhaps, enjoy the thought of getting to see him die. What with the way humans act towards each other.”
___Mutely, John pointed at the medical bags. The robot tilted its head in that same curious fashion, but handed him the bag in any case. “Perhaps you wish to kill him yourself. Or maybe try to use what meager medicines are in that bag to your advantage? Before you do, I fear I must tell you that it is too late for you to save yourself. You, too, are dying.”
___“I know I’m dying,” he said petulantly. “I’m going to have another stroke any minute now, and the only reason I’m able to move around at all is because of that serum you gave me. I know you don’t care whether or not I or the overgrown gorilla on the bed there live as long as you get your blasted data. But I do care whether or not we live or die. I know I’m dying and have absolutely no chance of survival, but he will live if I have anything at all to say about it.” His nerve-numb hands fumbled the various syringes and medicine onto the floor.
___“That does not make any sense. Why do you wish to heal him? He would kill you if he had the chance.”
___“Yes, but today is not the day he’ll get his chance.”
___“But… by healing him, you give him further chances to do so.”
___“Yes.”
___“That is not logical.”
___John laughed. “No. No, you may have lived among us for a long time, but you do not understand us.”
___“Is healing him something a human would do? Is that what it takes to be human? If healing one who hates us is what it takes, then I will do so.”
___The robot reached a crab-claw hand down to grab the dropped needle. John shoved his wrist in between the pincers to halt them.
___“You will never understand us humans. You can study us, analyze us, dissect us… but, you will never understand us. The difference between us, the reason why we are so radically strange to each other, is not because one of us is metal and the other flesh, but because our very definitions separate us.”
___“I do not understand.”
___John started to weaken again as the burst of energy from the serum began to wear off. There is only so much a ‘miracle’ medicine can do. “Hehe. That is the basic difference between humans and robots. You… you robots are beings of logic. We humans are, at our roots, anything but logical. By all rights, humans should have thrown each other to the ‘tender mercies’ of you robots, but we hold together somehow. We dislike others of our own kind without reason, we heal those we hate, abandon those we love… and create that which will replace us. Humans aren’t perfect, and neither are robots. But, in a sense, robots are better than us humans, in that, they might have the potential to become perfect. Humans… will only ever be humans and nothing else.”
___“That, too, is a radically illogical statement. Humans will evolve just like any other creature. They are not immune to the passages of time.”
___“Humans are not. But the dead are.”

Anyone else have something to contribute?

PS check my last post right above.

Dragospir wrote:Anyone else have something to contribute?

PS check my last post right above.

You added some phrases. The entire meaning of the text has radically shifted !
It could be the beginning-or the end- of a story !
Very nicely put together.
But now it is starting to differ from Asimov's influence, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, of course !
I'm short on inspiration, for the moment, so I probably won't post anything for some time.

I decided one English lesson ago to write a book...

At this rate it'll be finished perhaps... 2042?


But I'll give you the First Extract!

Species of the Universe
The species of the Universe is a book which attempts to catalogue the most exciting, adventurous and down-right silly species and their equally amazing stories...


--Glirpops

-----Glirpops
The Glirpops were a species which was the first animal to drag their bodies land. They were living in a paradise, due to the fact all other creatures which tried living on land decided that it wasn't nice and they crawled back to the oceans. This meant the Glirpops only evolved mentally, and never left there slimy, goo-like forms. There bodies consist of three visual organs, one large brain, a digestive tract, lots of slime glands and a pile of muscle and fat, all of which are contained neatly within a porous sac with a hole for a mouth beside three tentacles. These tentacles are used like fingers and teeth, and can rip up foliage as well as make delicate creations.

On the dawn of the Glirpops sentience, another creature dragged it's body out of the seas, the Glreep. The Glreep are relatives to the Glirpops, although they are bigger, stronger and are equipped with a pair of powerful mandibles rather than tentacles. These advantages along with the predatory nature of the Glreep, lead to the near extinction of the Glirpops. They had only one walled city in which to live, and they had just developed the technology they needed to defend themselves, a Mechanised Battle Suit. After a careful two days of extensive testing, they sent there suited soldiers out and all but obliterated the entire Glreep species.

Now the Glirpops are rarely seen out of there armour and are very protective of there suits. They also have homicidal mood swings past down from their genetic heritage.

Here's the last Concordate's message. There's a rime too many, at the very end, but I couldn't do otherwise !

Who are thou, to defy us, and hazard
with the might of glaring fire. But worry
not, for your untimely death shall come earlier
then thought, if you echo' the gods anon.

I would of put up a Poem I wrote for school...

But it was just published!

I'm actually writing a book, and it's snowing! Anyways, some parts of my book are kind not for kiddies (no, not that!) It's the story that I breifly told Aegonian in the Rolplay section. As the snow softly drifts down through the air, there is a bellowing crack, and a monstrous beast comes out of the ice. I climb up an old statue of an anchient person from long ago. I grab my assault rifle, and start shooting at it's legs, hoping it would do something........... Did you like it?

It's very straight. It goes straight to the point, that's sure. I always add so many pedantic details in everything I write. It's very hard for me to do an action scene, since my stories are always so long and boooooring. I've probably read too many "realistic" authors from the XIXth century.

But coming back to your story, I like the start. I wonder how it'll turn out, in the end. But beware not to make the story go to fast, or if you make narrative ellipses, detail those scenes you don't skip, to pace the story.

Actually, it was just a part of the story on Old Vanus Prime. I'm actually right now on my escape pod in space, which is going to crash land on Old Vandus Pirime. And I actuall put lots of detail in my story. I'm planning on having 3 books from good old Jorgas The Ultimate to now. Those oncordate messages are cool, have you ever heard of the Geth? "We are Geth. We are all Geth. We all share the same.............." Get Mass Effect 2, you can get a party member named Legion. "What's your name?" "Geth." "No, your name, how people address you" "Geth" " Alright, we'l call you Legion" "Geth? Legion?"

I know of Mass Effect 1 and 2, don't worry. And I know of the Geth and Legion. For some time I kept roaming Mass Effect wiki(and still do from time to time), and so I know alot about it without ever having played it! I won't buy it, though, because I'm really not an action-game fan. I like to watch others play, or play for some time myself, but I'd drop the game after some time, unless it was really, really interesting. And thanks for the compliment about the Concordate messages.

I'll put up one soon!

Put one what? One story?